


A Wise Fool

by hellokatzchen (Bether)



Series: Alphabet Meme [15]
Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Internal Monologue, Introspection, Not Beta Read, One Shot, POV Female Character, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-12
Updated: 2011-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-14 17:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bether/pseuds/hellokatzchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>U is for Undercover || Short piece about the lines we draw, how they blur and what reality really is-- or isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Wise Fool

**Author's Note:**

> For Noel who requested the prompt "undercover" with the show _Nikita_. This takes place sometime between 1x01 and 1x11-- basically while Alex is in training. The title is inspired by this William Shakespeare quote: "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." Also, big thanks to **tobinsguide** for moral support.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of the CW (or whoever has rights to the show). I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.

Sometimes, when you're alone with your eyes closed, you pretend. That's what being undercover is all about, after all-- living the lie. And you do it, day in and day out, not because you want to but because you have to. You _have_ to.

It's almost too easy, really. Who wouldn't want to live a lie when the truth is that you're nothing more than a weapon for a questionable black ops organization?

But there's a line. Living the lie is not the same as _believing_ the lie. That's what they forget to warn you about in training. (Or maybe it's another of Amanda's sick mind games.) That's what gets most in trouble. That's what got _her_ into trouble.

Luckily, you know better. She taught you, she trained you, she told you what to expect and the pitfalls and everything in between. She makes sure you know never to make the same mistakes she did.

You know better, but you still make them, anyway.

That's the thing about being undercover, you think. You live the lie enough, you _become_ the lie. You tell yourself you won't form attachments, but you do. You swear you'll never get emotional, but you can't help it.

So when you're alone you pretend. You pretend you really are the emotionless soldier for your cause that you wish you were, that you never have doubts or regrets or dreams about what it might be like if the world was just a tiny bit different than it is.

You pretend you never heard words like _undercover_ or _division_ and that you're happy-- that you _can_ be happy at all.

That's not reality, though. Even reality isn't even really reality half the time-- how can it be when nothing is what it seems?

Maybe that's what being undercover is all about. Creating your own reality. Or maybe that's just a load of crap and you've seen _The Matrix_ one too many times. Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, you stay until the job's done.

You just hope there's some of the real you left-- whoever _she_ might be-- when you finally get to the other side.


End file.
